There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
