I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
