she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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