they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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