i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Boobs are out for the taking
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
