She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
