Your mouth is God's brothel.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
