Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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