Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
