Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
