the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
