bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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