The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
