just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need water and some morals
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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