I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
