Sry I called you an 8
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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