you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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