Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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