When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
