I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
