A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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