She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
