Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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