U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
