i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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