What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
