That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
