White coat. Heels.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
