You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
