so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
