How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
