I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
