It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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