Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
