there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
