did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
