beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
