Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
