my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
