Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
