Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
