The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
