yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
