Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
