listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
