Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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