i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
