Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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