It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
