I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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