He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
