Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
