You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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