But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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